Government sources have said that T-Shock Brian Cowen will make a televised address later this week to clarify the latest deal on the medical cards. It is also expected that he will make the shock announcement that Christmas will be cancelled. Measures include:
- banning of Christmas decorations
- banning of Christmas carols (Jingle Bells will have a mandatory prison sentence)
- banning of Christmas presents
- turkeys to be replaced with corned beef, coddle or triple decker butter sandwiches
- anybody caught smiling or being cheerful in any way will be arrested and fined
- parties will be banned (not political parties - just fun parties)
This new policy will be overseen by a new government body - the Miserable Bastards Authority - with a staff of 240 people and an annual budget of €650 million. The MBA will be responsible for enforcement - doing spot-checks on businesses to make sure nobody is selling Christmas presents or organising parties or engaging in other soon-to-be-illegal behaviour.
It is thought the MBA will be fast-tracked to be up and running by January 2009.